How to be a soulless B***ard

ankle_biter

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Dec 16, 2013
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#1
Not literarily, but I was asking ( generally ) to the older generation rather than the youth, directed to but not limited to. How have you dealt and eased deaths of close relatives, I hate to think about it but I usually know it is coming and I start just preparing and accepting the fact that it is going to happen before it actually does, yes some don't like to think that way... I guess im too cold any who, surprisingly I expected a death of a relative years ago to be at this time, not expected but rather thought... I dont think im doing it to be an asshole rather to accept it and try to move on, it hurts me to think about it but i believe I have to do. Share your thoughts.
 

Babfish

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#2
I've lost some relatives that I never thought of that they would die, but I have always been a person that thinks: 'He/she was suffering it is better this way.'
There are family-members that need me, to be there, because they have a harder time.
You aren't heartless thinking this way, but doing more thinking and trying to be rational about it.
 

Omega_Shenron

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#3
I have gone through several deaths, and, I know this sounds cold, preparing myself for the death of my 89yr. old grandmother who refuses to take keemo for her cancer which has spread throughout her entire body. I just accept it and weep. It's the only way, Imo. I am still recovering after my half-sister's death which left behind a very young daughter who asks a lot about her mother. I also deal with the fact that I had to put down my dog that I have had before I can remember. I love dogs, and giving a death sentence to my dog, not even a year after I had to put down another dog, killed me. My dog I have now thought of this dog as his mother. Ever since then, he's clinged to my mom and sleeps with the last blanket that my other dog laid on.
 

IshrkI

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#4
I'm no grieving expert but I think what you are doing is a perfectly normal and healthy approach to the hardest part about life.

Since it is inevitable to eventually end your life by dying I don't think it's "cold" or "selfish" to expect it to happen.

We all need to find our own ways of coping with the hard stuff everyone goes thru. (Some people can't deal with it and ends up crazy and/or religious. )

Think about it this way; what would these people want you to do about it?
Would they want you to pretend that they are never going to die? Or would they rather want to see you care about their last time by accepting the inevitable? 

When my grandfather was about to go down I visited him and we sat together and talked about happy memories while we both cried rivers. We didn't need to say anything about what was going to happen, we both knew and we both prematurely mourned the coming loss. After a while he got tired and needed to sleep and I sat by the bed holding his hand while he slept. I then said goodbye to my grandfather because I knew I might not see him again before he passed. At the moment I actually felt a bit selfish for "giving up" on him, but when I thought it over I reached the conclusion that I don't think he would have wanted it any other way. He passed away 3 months later, and I never saw him again.

The most important part, and what makes me feel even less selfish is that I still love him and I still miss him like Hell. Just writing this made me cry more than I like to admit. :) ... 7 years later. 

Thing is, you need to let your emotions run their course. Don't ever stop yourself from mourning the loss of a loved one. Embrace the (fucking difficult) feelings as a tribute to the person that you lost. Or start out early and honour them by showing them and/or yourself that they will be missed. 
 

Uu_VALKYRE_uU

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#5
IshrkI said:
what you are doing is a perfectly normal and healthy approach to the hardest part about life.

Since it is inevitable to eventually end your life by dying I don't think it's "cold" or "selfish" to expect it to happen.

We all need to find our own ways of coping with the hard stuff everyone goes thru. (Some people can't deal with it and ends up crazy and/or religious. )

Thing is, you need to let your emotions run their course. Don't ever stop yourself from mourning the loss of a loved one. Embrace the (f*cking difficult) feelings as a tribute to the person that you lost. Or start out early and honour them by showing them and/or yourself that they will be missed. 
I completely agree with everything you say here about this topic. And the remaining parts that I've quoted you you in are, in my opinion, the most important bits of advice. Well said, Sir. :)
 

ankle_biter

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#6
Uu_VALKYRE_uU said:
IshrkI said:
what you are doing is a perfectly normal and healthy approach to the hardest part about life.

Since it is inevitable to eventually end your life by dying I don't think it's "cold" or "selfish" to expect it to happen.

We all need to find our own ways of coping with the hard stuff everyone goes thru. (Some people can't deal with it and ends up crazy and/or religious. )

Thing is, you need to let your emotions run their course. Don't ever stop yourself from mourning the loss of a loved one. Embrace the (f*cking difficult) feelings as a tribute to the person that you lost. Or start out early and honour them by showing them and/or yourself that they will be missed. 
I completely agree with everything you say here about this topic. And the remaining parts that I've quoted you you in are, in my opinion, the most important bits of advice. Well said, Sir. :)
Well, sadly I got the news today, it hit me hard in beginning but it slowly went away since I saw it coming? i guess... , its on my head but its not like the state I was in the beginning I was completely shattered, but yeah it helps to cope with it before it happening.
 

Timmy9997

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#7
Last year, one of my best friends - a kid I literally grew up with - took his own life. No one saw that coming and it was very hard to deal with. The one thing I can recommend is don't block your emotions. Don't let it build up. I got the news when I was on a train to go to a soccer match and boy oh boy did I cry. That was the first time in years that I had genuinely had a good cry.
If you can't cry, don't try force it. You don't need to shed tears to prove to someone that you loved them.
Death is the only certainty in life, and no matter how hard that is to accept, it will certainly happen.
You just have to stay strong and support each other.
 

Uu_VALKYRE_uU

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#8
It definitely helps to be prepared for a hard situation. No matter how prepared you are though, your emotions will still surface at their our pace. Timmy's right, 100%. But mostly where he says, "If you can't cry, don't force it." Your emotions will come when they need to. When my Dad died, I didn't really cry that much. Even though I loved him and missed him a lot. He was my first Idol. Haha But it took me over a year to actually break down and cry about him being gone. When I had to put my cat, Lestat, down last year was hardest I've cried ever, I think.

He was pretty much always with. My best lil bud. I trained him so well, and he was so well behaved, that people sometimes wanted me to bring him with me when we hung out. Haha He went outside with no leash, because he stayed next to me all the time. If I let him walk away a bit, he would come when I called him. I loved him. I still do. But I know that he's not suffering from his sickness anymore. That helps me. But I still miss him. Emotions are crazy things. Anyway, I'm ranting. Timmy was also right about staying strong and supporting each other. Support humanity. Not just your loved ones, I'd say. :)
 

Nayxerr

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#10
I personally haven't really lost anyone close. I was so young that I can't remember. But I got a goal in life. I'm gonna make my dad happy.

My dad is a really strong person. He lost his dad when he was 3 years old and he lost his mother when he was 21. The only peraon he had left was his adopted sister and god parents. His sister died when I was 3 and his god mother died a few years ago. With all these deaths in my dad's life I'm happy to have him as a father and that he have made it this far. I'm his only child which makes me wanna help him every second he needs me.

My mother have lost some close relatives too but she got a bigger family (8 siblings). She also got 3 kids. I talk to my mother a lot more but I care about my dad a lot more.

I love my dad!
 

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