[Chapter 1] Defy

Holy_Rabbitz

Empress of Imagination
Crafter
Dec 16, 2013
1,020
9
38
forever in the heart of broadcast
#1
2072. It's been almost 16 years since it happened. We're not allowed to refer to the war, at least in my city. The country hasn't come to an agreement, nor have they bothered to try. We've all been forced to wear uniform black suits with a single different color. During battle or practice, we wear tight black suits with LED lights on them. We may pick the color, but that's the most freedom you get around here. 

"It's all in the past," My city, Ryndel, tells us. "Don't dwindle through the thoughts that bring back tragedies."


I have no idea what day it is. It's considered greedy in 4 out of the 5 cities to be interested in how many days have gone by or how many are ahead. Some of the kids from Endire have little black markets where they sell mini calendars to make a profit. They're usually out behind the empty buildings, but this morning walking out of my apartment they weren't.

I was born into the city of Ryndel, the independent city. Our mayor believes everybody should be mature by age 10 and be ready to take on life by age 13. We move into apartments a floor above our parents by age 12, so I've been living on my own for 4 years.

Taurio is the city of the creative. They're always the ones supplying the tools and supplies.

Arincora Supplies the Jobs and the people for them.

Endire are the main battle forces. They provide weapons and teach the practices.

The final city, Aumble, provides food. Every city depends on each other for resources except mine. Ryndel could completely drop and go into the slums and nobody would change. I can't wait to leave and go to another city. I finally make it to the Classes Building and read the sign in front of the doors.

"Mock Train Transfer today. All 16 year old citizens must report for class. Personality tests today at 10:30."

Kinda just a little parody of Divergent. Ask me what you think! :D

Also, lemme give you definitions :p

Mock Train Transfer: Everyone takes a specialized test (not a single one is alike) to find out which city they will enter. There are then promptly blindfolded and put on a train that will enter the city they will live in. They have absolutely no say in what city they go to.


Classes building: Quite what it sounds like. Just a building for education. 


Omega's story inspired me to make this. Thanks for reading! Tell me what you think! c:
 

Dr0psh0t

Official Arsehole
Crafter
Dec 16, 2013
790
5
18
18
I'll let you know when I find myself
#2
So far it's great! One thing I would suggest, though. Maybe develop the characters a little more, and "the war" was very briefly mentioned, and we have no idea what it is. If you intended to do that, you executed it perfectly. If you didn't, maybe mention it some more xP
 

Chiplover2

Deadbeat o3o
Crafter
Dec 20, 2013
2,322
585
113
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your local bag of chips (so much air in here!)
#3
I, personally, like how vague and confusing it is, because you know the main character feels the same. Just throws you right into their shoes.

Nice job! I'm not all that into books like this, but this is a pretty good excerpt :3.
 

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